Today might just have been the worst I have had for awhile and even though part of me would love to throw myself a pity party, I won’t bore you with the details.
I’m the type of person to ‘go home and cry about it’ whenever something bad happens. This is not a good quality, I know… But this particular “crappy” day acted as the smack in the face that I honestly needed. So instead of my usual moping on the couch with comfort food and Modern Family, I decided to seek out the reason behind the fact that today was simply the breaking point to a few weeks of not feeling myself.
Here’s the deal: I’m really skilled at faking it, but most days my self confidence is definitely lacking, and for whatever reason this had been even more of an issue for the last month or so. My life is filled with so many awesome women, yet I can’t help be a little intimidated, constantly wondering why I am not as beautiful as them.
I realize that this is a question straight from the pit of Hell. I get that. But some days, I ask it anyway. So in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better, I have become reliant on makeup. I’ve never been one to wear a lot of it, but I have been one to hide behind the makeup I do wear.
I guess a little bit of backstory would be good here… My mom used to be a consultant for Mary Kay, so I have had access to makeup for as long as I can remember. I got my hands on my first tube of mascara in sixth grade – next came foundation, and you know the rest of this story.
Maybe it is because I am very introverted, or perhaps it is because I take everything that is said to me a little too seriously, but it freaked me out when someone would point out that my skin wasn’t blemish free, hence I caked on the makeup to try to hide it. When it was addressed that I have “small eyes”, eyeliner became my best friend. In fact, I haven’t gone out in public without any makeup for years.
First of all, I realize that there are women who can confidently go without makeup and are perfectly fine with it. I am not one of them. That being said, I have come to the conclusion that I want to be!
So for the next month I am going to step wayyyyyyy out of my comfort zone and not wear a drop of makeup.
It is going to be a challenge, but my prayer is that it can teach me that my beauty comes from within, not from covering up and hiding the things that I think aren’t beautiful. Because deep down, I’d rather be known for having a beautiful heart than for having a pretty face.
Do not let your adorning be external—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. (1 Peter 3:3-4)