A Girl I Used to Know

I stumbled across a photo of myself and it brought me to a point of reflection. Tough, but true reflection.

I used to know that girl, and I remember her well..

On her way to her first dance, in 8th grade, knowing that once she got there, it was unlikely that she would have any friends to dance with.
Squinty eyes, probably looking into the sun, and hardly able to smile because of how lonely she felt.

Her hair professionally done, just for fun, and makeup she didn’t usually wear only to feel even further from beautiful.

I know middle school isn’t great for anyone, but gosh, if I could block out this four year experience I would without hesitation. I had TWO friends, and many friend groups that would let me in and then want nothing to do with me. The lunchroom scenes felt dramatic and painful, I remember sitting down with the people I usually ate with, and them all getting up and leaving in 5th grade, I remember being told by my friends in 7th that I didn’t fit in with them because I was too quiet and should find somewhere else to go, the same year my grandpa died and a rumor went around my class that I wanted to commit suicide. Then finally 8th grade where I chose to leave on my own accord yet another group where most days, I felt ignored.

My goals every year were always the same: get a boyfriend, be pretty, fine a best friend – fit in.

I want to block it out. And sometimes, I do.

Then I stumble across things like a photo that get me all sad and reflective again over a season of life that built me.

I am so glad that I do not know this girl any longer. I’m so glad that the God of the Universe brought her to Himself.

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