Days Like Today

When I began college and realized I could make myself as busy as I wanted to be, I grasped excitedly at this new way of living.

So until the start of this summer, I really spent the last two years not allowing myself to think more than necessary. Self revelation, I knew, was a slow and often painful process.

And it, like many things, terrified me to the point of careful and intentional avoidance.

Fast forward to today when I’ve been going through about two months of internal processing. Some days I am full of joy, confident in my identity and able to see my worth.

Some days are like today where I wish I were a lot of things that I just don’t amount to.

If I were confident and captivating, I would no longer need to vie for attention, would no longer find myself spoken over.

If I had some true talent, would I not be seen? If I were lovely, would I not be pursued?

If I were independent, I wouldn’t wonder what others thought of me. I wouldn’t apologize for every action or word that spills out of my mouth and I wouldn’t feel the need to constantly build walls in fierce protection of my heart.

I wish that no matter how many times someone might try to convince me otherwise, I believe this all to be true.

And perhaps some of them are.

But there are two parts the self revelation.

The painful part.

And the aftermath, the part we are compelled by.

So, I am slowly allowing God to stitch back together the things I know to be true in my heart – that my identity is in Him – and the places my mind sometimes goes that leave me broken.

And I’m learning to be okay with self revelation.

A Million Sunrises

You could watch a million sunrises.

Share one hundred smiles.

Count the freckles on a face or the stars in the sky.

Hug a friend and never want to let go.

Laugh so hard that tears run freely down your cheeks.

Be awed by the twinkling of city lights.

Fall in love with another who lights your soul on fire.

Enjoy the sweet giggles of a child.

Or breathe in the sweet smell of a summer evening as the moon lights the night sky.

You can do all these things and more.

But even the most beautiful in life won’t ever, EVER, hold a candle to the love of the One who created it all.

So embrace the beautiful moments.

Experience the best.

Appreciate love and joy and friendship.

But never forget, not for a second, that through each little moment we can catch a glimpse of the Lord of the Universe, ceaselessly loving you and me.

Fix My Eyes

Guard your heart above all else,

it determines the course of your life…

…Look straight ahead,

and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Mark out a straight path for your feet;

stay on the safe path.

Don’t get sidetracked;

keep your feet from following evil.

Proverbs 4:23, 25-27

My recent thoughts have been pretty focused on what my career might be. I know that I have time to figure it out, but I feel like I am somehow behind since I don’t have a clue what I want to do. I’ve been sending out emails to advisors and researching in an effort to calm myself only to realize that this caused more stress than comfort. The more options I am presented with, the more confused I get and it is honestly starting to make me a little crazy.But yesterday, instead of putting off my homework by stressing about my future career, I decided it was time to get caught up on my Bible reading – still putting off my homework, but shh. My readings was the first four chapters of Proverbs. I almost gave up and talked myself out of continuing after Proverbs 2 but I am sure glad I didn’t. The last piece I read is the set of verses you see above. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

Over and over again we have heard that God has a plan for our lives. I know I’m really hoping that this is the truth, but the harder part of this is truly trusting that He is in control. It’s easy to say we do, but whether or not we act on this is the goal.

Are you willing to fix your eyes on God and His plan for your life? Instead of being consumed by all the distractions this world offers to us, we can place all our trust and focus on the path before us and following the steps that God has mapped out for us. Will we slip up? Absolutely! He wants us to trust Him so much that we are willing to let Him pick us up and carry us through the turmoils of life every once in awhile. But if we are focused on avoiding evil, following God’s will and guarding our hearts from life’s temptations and distractions, the course of our lives will be for the glory of Him.

In my case, that means that someday I will know what my career is meant to be. Instead of panicking and annoying advisors with my confused emails, I have to be focused on what lies ahead and listen for the voice of the Lord.

The best part? God’s plans are so much better than anything we can work out. It will be so worth it.

Finding Rest

Just some thoughts from quiet time today…

Truly my soul finds rest in God;

my salvation comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

Psalm 62:1-2

Can one allow their soul find rest in God alone? Not in searching, in wondering about the future or regretting the past; in losing themselves in friendships, work or school, relationships, but in Him alone? Yet our souls can reside there, in Him alone and not in all of those other distractions.

Our salvation comes from Him.

Through the cross we are saved.

Redeemed.

Beloved.

Not because of anything that we did, but because of what Christ did for us. Even though we are each in our own way unworthy of such a sacrifice, still it was freely given.

So now I can sit here, in awe, because He is my salvation.

And every time we hit what can only be called rock bottom, there he is.

The rock at the bottom.

Unmoved, unwavering, and waiting patiently for us to run back into his open arms.

A fortress surrounding us.

Protecting.

Defending.

Nothing, and I mean nothing, can penetrate the ultimate protection freely given to us by the ultimate protector.

No storms of life, no trials, NOTHING can separate us from God’s love, and because of that we cannot allow ourselves to be shaken from where we stand.

Oh sweet soul, you have been wandering for much too long. Allow Him to be your protector, your salvation, your fortress, your rock…

And most importantly,
just rest,
you are beloved. ♥